SEEKING TRUTH AND LIGHT

Poster: Tina from Washington D.C. 11 - 07 - 08

Case of desiring to be a meek and humble Godly woman. After a failed marriage, the Lord answered my prayer to send me a godly man. He is a very dedicated friend and we are honoring God. I am a godly woman who desires God's will for my life but I am having difficulty with having a meek and quiet spirit. I'm learning but sometimes I desire to have my opinion heard which creates problems. Please advise. Thank you.

Hello Tina, There is not one flat out clear cut answer to this because there are so many factors involved. Example, what is the reason why you have difficulty being meek and quiet? Sometimes there are childhood issues that carry over into adulthood. Example, a woman may not have a good relationship with her father and it carries over into how she deals with men when she is an adult. Or maybe a woman in her past has had relationships where men have run her over and now she is non trusting and must voice her opinions in a boisterous way to keep from getting hurt again. What is the root cause as far as why you are this way is the starter. I am not saying it is your father or your ex lovers because only you know what it is. That is something you need to take to GOD and deal with for good if you want this union to work. That is the NUMBER 1 thing first to deal with, the root of the behavior. Another factor is what type of man your husband is. If he comes across lets say as demanding or in a controlling way it sure will not help you in what GOD is trying to fix in you. His issues can make the issues in you jump and come alive. If this is the case then you both need to really sit and calmly discuss what is happening and how you can work this out in a Godly way if you want this marriage to succeed. No one can come with an agenda of wanting to be the one that is right or the one who wins because all you should want to do is win together in your marriage. Now on the other hand if the man is mild and humble and it is you causing the issues as far as how you come across in situations then again I say find the root cause and deal with it. Whatever it takes to deal with it and kill it you need to do so for the sake of your marriage. Especially if this is one of the things that hurt your last marriage. You do not want to do that again or carry any of that over into a union where GOD has sent you the man that is your Godly covering.

Poster: Mia in Atlanta 08 – 22 – 08

Case of being upset about pastor’s luxury car My pastor has been a full time pastor at my church for 4 years. He preaches good word and gets a good salary there. He drives a Jaguar and has had it for about 2 years and frankly that bothers me. I do not feel that pastors should be driving luxury cars while members in the church can’t afford to have cars like that. I wonder sometimes of he is taking money from the church to pay for this car. Then one day I overheard him telling an elder he was going to trade it in to get a Benz and was working out payment terms with a sales person. I am very uncomfortable with this.

Hello Mia, I truthfully must say that I do not see what you are upset about and you made some points in your question that almost defeat the question. First you stated that he is a full time pastor and that he is getting a good salary from the church. So we know where his money is coming from. Then you stated that he was telling an elder that he is working out payment terms with a salesman. With that said, he is basically working a job for pay like the rest of us, bought the car he wanted, was making payments on it and now is trading it in to get another car to make payments on it. That is something that we all do. If someone is working, has their credit together to buy a car like that and can afford to make the payments then they should be able to buy whatever car they want including pastors. You say members can’t afford that but in a lot of cases some members may have messed their credit up or done some things financially irresponsible. So they need to do what’s needed to handle their business, clean the credit up and then they to can buy nice things to if they like. Honestly the problem here is your hang-ups and issues. This has been an issue in the church for years. GOD wants to bless us ALL. The old stereotypes of the preacher in the church taking the collection money and the one about Christians who are supposed to “be like JESUS” by being poor and having nothing are going out the door. Yes there are scheming preachers but there are also many with integrity. Yes you can’t let things have you but there is NOTHING wrong with having nice things and you must be a blessing to others with your things. Many have missed out on a lot in life hanging onto that ‘have nothing like JESUS’ myth. HE said that HE came so you have life more abundantly. I know it is more than things so I am not trying to use that to say it is just for things. But he is talking about spiritually, mentally, physically and just enjoying a better quality if life overall. Now if you are in a church where the pastor has everything and the members are not being motivated and helped to move up in life to have better then that is not good but you even stated he gives good word so you feel you are being fed. Are you taking that word and trying to do things to better yourself so you can move up? Also, if he feeds into you then why would you not want him to have something nice? You may have to look deep inside yourself on this matter.

Poster: Paulette from San Diego, 08 – 20 - 08

Case of dealing with lustful feelings Hello, my situation is point blank, I am always having lustful thoughts and they are hard to erase. I do not know where sometimes these thoughts come from. I have to admit that sometimes when they come I feed them with self-stimulation. Many times I want to call someone over but I am really trying to walk right. It can be very hard because I am a sensual and erotic person. I have prayed to GOD to take away my sexual feelings but it does not seem to work.

Paulette, thank you for your honesty. Your situation is definitely a very common one among Christian singles trying to live right and holy. First, I want to address your comment where you prayed to GOD to take away your sexual feelings. GOD created you and put those feelings in you. With that being said you do not want those feelings taken out of you. That is how you are made. What you have to do is to learn how to control them. I remember a sermon my pastor preached once. She talked about how you have to do things to control those feelings. She talked about women who may have to stay out of Victoria’s Secret. Many women will go to buy lingerie for themselves. She then painted an amusing scene of a woman laying in the bed feeling all that silk and getting aroused by it though she is by her self. She followed up by saying that woman needs to start going with cotton Fruit Of The Looms. You have to avoid certain things that you know help feed your desires. Certain music, certain songs, certain TV shows, certain movies, certain types clothes. If you know wearing something makes you feel sexy and aroused don’t wear it. If you know hearing a certain type of music makes you go there then don’t listen to it. If you know looking at a certain guy in a movie turns you on then don’t watch it. Throw away any pictures you have, tapes or DVDS. Get rid of certain phone numbers and e-mails. Don’t respond to certain calls and e-mails. Keep yourself busy with your purpose or projects. An idle mind truly IS a playground for the devil. I have struggled in this area at a point in my life but trying to stay locked on my calling and purpose has truly helped me get through. It is not always easy but as it says in the Bible, GOD will always have a means for escape when it comes to temptation. I can truly say there was always an escape when I look over my life but many times I just chose to go there.

Poster: Coleen from Boston. 08 – 15 – 08

Case of disagreement with ‘Living free outside the ‘church’ box’ blog Hello,My name is Coleen and I reside in Boston. I have been reading the recent blog about coming outside the ‘church’ box. It is an interesting article. What I do not understand or agree with is his writing about living free. What I mean is that it almost sounds as if he is talking about being reckless and taking chances regardless of the consequences. I believe in order and being cautious. You can’t go out here doing whatever you want. I also believe our lives need to be more focused on spreading CHRIST and not living dangerously. I like his blogs a lot but on this one I think he needs to be more responsible.

Hello Coleen, Thank you for your entry. I must say reading your comment that it is possible you may not have read all the parts of his blog. It was never stated or brought across that we should live reckless or do what we want. There are many parts where he flat out says that there are standards. It says that you still do not go out and just fornicate, steal and do whatever. It also stated at the end of one of the blogs that you do not set the rules, go out and then have GOD / CHRIST follow you. Believing in order and being cautious is fine but that has actually hindered many people from walking in things that GOD called them to do because ‘they’ are in it. Their thinking and reasoning talks them out of things that GOD actually has for them. Sometimes you can be too cautious and too much in order. Many times leaps of faith are necessary and many have succeeded in GOD because of it because faith is what pleases HIM the MOST besides obedience. The blogs talk about people living free and abundantly like CHRIST wants for us. We have created this dead and stoic way of living the Christian life and that is not what CHRIST called for us. HE did not come here for that. As far as needing to be focused on spreading CHRIST, he also stated in the blog that you spread the good news of CHRIST by LIVING the good news of CHRIST. When you live free, joyous, not worrying about anything and having trust that GOD has your back and you can enjoy life, then that is a testimony to the world in itself. We can walk around witnessing and talking all we like but people have to see it. They have to see aliveness, joy, and care free spirits to want this JESUS that we talk about.

Poster: Sandra from Alabama. 08 - 11 - 08

Case of revelation of future husband. I am in a situation where I have been dating someone I have known for a long time. We have been dating 4 months and are currently going through what I consider minor issues. He has been divorced about 2 years and still shows signs of scars. I have issues I need to deal with myself in the area of walking in my calling. I start strong, get distracted and then stop. In all of this, I know without a shadow of a doubt that he is my future husband. GOD has revealed this to me through dreams and prophecy. I know it is not my emotions. But at the same time I feel that we both have a process that we need to go through. Many peopole think I am crazy for believing this due to certain things that they see him do but these things do not faze me. I know what GOD said and I am willing to wait out the process. Am I crazy?

Well. It is kind of funny, you say that you know what GOD said then turned around and asked me if you were crazy. If you truly believe what GOD said and it really was GOD then no you are not crazy. Now you mentioned that people feel that you are crazy based on things that they see him do. You did not mention what those things are, but just make sure that you use wisdom in the midst of whatever it is. I know you said it is not your emotions but make double sure that it is not. Many people operate on their emotions and want to cloak some HOLY SPIRIT over it and make it seem like GOD. But you say that you know it is GOD so I will just say, that there are many in the Bible who heard GOD, followed what he said and ended up blessed. But they were watched and ridiculed. Many laughed at Noah as he built the Ark all those years because he heard GOD who warned him of the storm. I do applaud you for being willing to wait out the process. At least you are not eager to jump into anything quickly or force anything. Stay in prayer, watch and be yielded to what ever GOD is trying to do in you and through you, in him and through him. It can only make your union stronger down the road.

Poster: Glenda from Wisconsin, 08 – 06 – 08

Case of insecurities concerning prayer I have been saved now for 2 years. One day I just really took a look at the way that I do some things concerning my walk with GOD. I won’t list it all but the main one that concerns me is that I do not know how to pray like most people that I see in church. I feel my prayers sound very elementary and because of that I wonder if GOD hears them and also I do not want to pray in public. I get discouraged because I feel I am not on the level I should be at based on where I see other Christians.

Glenda, All that matters here is that you love GOD, are obedient to HIS word and you be who HE uniquely made you to be. HE is not looking for cookie cutter followers. How fancy your prayer is means absolutely nothing to GOD as long as you are real, honest and sincere. HE is not concerned with vocabulary. I can guarantee you that there are many people who can come off with fancy prayers but have jacked up lives and are not real with GOD. Some of your most real and sincere Christians usually have the most simple, point blank prayers without all of the ‘churchy’ and ‘religious’ quippy slogans in them with fancy dialect. Prayer with GOD is simply communication. Everything that the tongue speaks and comes out of your mouth into the atmosphere is critical. So if you are saying a prayer and it is going into the atmosphere, how fancy it sounds is not the point, the point is you uttered it so it is heard by GOD and not rejected because of it’s level of sophistication. You can talk to GOD all the time in simple form. It does not always have to be on your knees with your eyes closed and hands in the prayer position. You can be in the car, driving, talking to GOD simply as if your friend is in the passenger seat. Prayer is not as deep as folk make it seem. Don’t let people’s opinion about your prayer stop you from praying in public. You say what GOD puts on your heart and leave it at that. Folk can make it seem as if the prayer with the most yelling, with scriptures in it and theatrics will get to HEAVEN quicker and that is a flat out LIE. It has kept many Christians in bondage and in fear from moving forward in GOD the way GOD uniquely made them so they try to follow someone else’s example and many times the example they are trying to follow is fake and not real anyway. Be who you are in GOD and how HE made you.

Poster: Carla from New York , 07 - 31 - 08

Case of pastor’s affair and concern for a best friend I recently just left a church I was a member of for 7 years. The reason I left was because the pastor is having an affair. I have a best friend who goes there and has been a member for a year. I have seen a lot of things going on in the last 3 years and it led to my decision. My friend is aware of the affair but not a lot of the other things that have went on. Yet she chooses to stay and feels that she is getting fed spiritually which I can’t see how. Do I tell her about the other things that I know or do I leave it alone?

Hello Carla, This is a situation where you must definitely leave it alone. She is already aware of the affair and it does not matter to her. She feels that she is being fed and it is possible that can happen. There are many situations and I have been there myself, where a person can be fed spiritually and get messages that really make an impact on their lives even though the messenger may not be living right. I am not condoning what he is doing at all, but if GOD has a message HE has to get to someone HE can use whatever and whomever HE wants regardless of what is going on. You also say she has been there a year. If it is meant for her to leave at any point GOD will show her what HE needs to show her concerning the church and the pastor but let GOD work all of that. There still may be something that she needs to get there before that happens. Also on the other hand, if she is meant to stay GOD may work something out there, so pretty much leave it be.

Poster: Confused Shawn from Baltimore, 07 – 24 – 08

Case of confusion over healing. I have a situation where I went in for a check up and something abnormal was found in my pancreas. I wont go into details on what was found but basically I was told by the doctor that I would need surgery. When sharing this with some of my sisters at the church I was told that I do not need to go to a doctor and that all I had to do was pray and I would be healed. They even made it seem as if doctors were evil and wanted to play GOD themselves. What do I do?

I must start off by saying that I do strongly believe in healing. I do believe that GOD miraculously heals people today just like HE did in the Bible. HE is the same today as HE was yesterday. Now as far as doctors they are here to help people, save lives and GOD uses them to heal just like HE uses people to help you in other situations. But just like anything you have the good and the bad. Sex is good is some situations, sex is wrong in others. You have some rap music that speaks death and some that speaks life. You have some doctors that are used by GOD who help you and some who want to play GOD, example: Cloning and so forth. This is a situation where you must really seek GOD for yourself and talk with your pastor. I personally am not one to talk to a bunch of people in the church about personal situations. I can guarantee that if they had to see a doctor and it was life or death they would be there. I would seek GOD for natural healing and if there are physical things that you are required to do to help make it happen make sure you do those. Example, a diabetic can claim healing but if he/she keeps eating sweets while they wait for healing then that defeats the purpose. If this does require the hands of a doctor then ask GOD to let you know. And do not always get caught up in “Oh he must be a Christian doctor”. If he is one fine but GOD uses ANYBODY and you get the best doctor to handle your situation. It is not evil to see a doctor. Just make sure when the doctor gets you straight that you acknowledge GOD as the one who did it and that the doctor was an instrument through the process.

Poster: Sierra from Oakland, 07 - 22 - 08

Case of moving forward with a new life after incarceration. I have just finished serving 2 years in federal prison. I have been a free woman for a month and ready to start over with a new life. Before serving time I attended church here and there but did not really know GOD. While in prison I got saved. I really want to serve GOD and do some good things. I have always though had a hard time getting motivated and though I want to serve GOD sometimes my past and my prison ordeal mentally drains me when I think about it. I know GOD has kept me and I know I am called to do something but it is hard to shake the thoughts of what I used to do and the reputation that people still want to attach to me.

Thank you for writing. I thank GOD first of all that you were able to establish a relationship with GOD while in prison. That is the blessing that came out of that situation. Sometimes we have to be in a situation where we are still and realize GOD is GOD. As far as your reputation and your past, know that GOD all through the Bible used people who either had defects whether physically or in character. HE used a little boy tending sheep named David to kill a giant, become a king and even did some evil things along the way. But GOD named David a man after HIS own heart. HE used Moses who was VERY old when he began the mission for GOD and he had a stuttering problem. HE used Paul who used to murder Christians. GOD was not going around using people who had it all together. That is too easy. That is why GOD is GOD and is truly amazing and a miracle worker like HE is. Some of the greatest and most EFFECTIVE people in the KINGDOM are the ones who have been through some stuff and have a serious testimony. They don’t judge and can feel the people. As Bishop Long once put it at a Manpower conference, “Let me talk to the one who has been to the cemetery not seminary” GOD CAN and WILL use you to do great things. It’s already predestined so you just have to walk in it. Surround yourself with people who will lift you up, encourage you and are about business. Stay away from those who will remind you of what you used to be and discourage you. You are on a mission now and have no time for that nonsense. GOD has made you a new creature. Down the road when you make it your past will serve as a testimony to let people know that they can make it but it is not who you are. Stay in constant conversation with GOD. I have also found reading not only the Bible but also certain types of motivational books that help me expand my mind on the power and awesomeness of GOD. Any songs that motivate me to move forward I listen to and do not let religious folk have you to think it can only be gospel music. You have to use the things that help push you and constantly use them. Everyone has different methods. I hope that this helps you a lot.

Poster: Barbara from Atlanta. 07 - 17 - 08

Case of GOD calling vs. loyalty to family church I have been a member of my grandmother’s church since I was a little girl. In fact my whole family has belonged to this church and it is almost like a tradition as far as this church and our family ties to it. Just last month I visited with a friend at her church and really enjoyed it. A word was preached there that was just for me and I felt very much at home there. About 2 weeks later I went again and really loved it. I loved it so much that I joined the church. I felt so at peace when I did it and knew I did the right thing. Well when my family found out they were not very happy. My grandmother felt I was breaking the tradition and felt that the whole family should be at her church and that is how it has always been. But I know I am at the right place with my new church. What do you think?

Many have been in this situation. Grow up in the family church then realize that they are called to another church. I grew up in a church where my dada was the minister of music. I had great times there and met great people, but when I got older I realized that I had to have my own personal relationship with GOD and staying at that church would not have helped me in advancing forward. There comes a time when it not about tradition and our family’s church but our own personal relationship with GOD. If you are called to a different house and GOD has something for you there, you do now want to miss your revelation and blessing sitting at the family church. This is no knock on your family’s church, this though is about your own personal relationship a with GOD and doing exactly what GOD has for you because in the end it is not about what people want but what GOD wants for you.

Poster: Lynn from Los Angeles. 07 - 15 - 08

Case of guilt for refusing missionary missions. I am presently considering law enforcement. This has been a dream of mines and I really believe that I can make a difference. I have a couple of friends at my church who are missionaries. They are totally dedicated to this and travel a lot to minister in Africa and even 3rd world countries. They have invited me to some trips and even offered to pay but quite honestly I do not have a passion for that but many times I feel guilty about it and even sometimes have feelings of selfishness. I just am not feeling it and really want to become a cop. Can you please give me some insight on this one?

Thank you Lynn. Let me first mention a part in your question. You said that as a cop you feel that you can make a difference. Now I am going to assume that you are a Christian and if so you are absolutely right that you can make a difference. With all the corruption out there as well as corrupt cops it would be a blessing to have someone in law enforcement that will radiate the glory of GOD and be a servant to the people instead of one who flexes authority, intimidates and hurts people by abusing the badge. With that being said, GOD has an army of us and we are to be spread everywhere to manifest HIS glory. We are like an army dispatched to infiltrate the Earth through systems. The educational system, the sports system, the medical system and yes…the law enforcement system. Many people in your profession will not go to a church and you will bring it to them. Many in your profession deal with stress, fear and you will help bring them peace or be a calming presence. If you know that this is your calling and what GOD has called you to then go infiltrate that system and glorify GOD. Your friends have been called to do missionary work. Everyone is not called to go to Africa and it’s ok. Just like everyone is not called to be a cop. People in Africa will be ministered to by your friends and who is going to minister to people here if we are all in Africa? People in the law enforcement system will be ministered to through you so go where you are called just as they go to where they are called to glorify GOD.

Poster: Disturbed by my friend’s actions Chicago, Illinois. 07 - 11 - 08

Case of woman disturbed by her friend's $$$ moves in church. I have a friend who does a lot of church conferences. Many of these conferences are out of town and she spends money that she does not have to make a lot of them. I would say that she does at least 3 to 4 a year. I have been to 2 with her and one thing that bothers me is that she will write checks for money that she does not have. Sometimes up to $1000 when a call is given by the preacher that she will receive a blessing for doing so. She has told me she is seeking a breakthrough and goes to these conferences trying to find it. Her financial situation is messed up as well as her home life. Once she gives these offerings she come home then is borrowing money from me. She does not tithe or give at our church and that is disturbing to me. She likes the messages at our church and feels she is blessed by them but will give money to the big name preachers. I do not know what to say to her or better yet, how to say it as a friend.

Thanks you for writing. Hopefully you have the kind of relationship with your friend where you can be real and honest with her and even if she gets mad she will at least have some revelation or truth on her mind. If you are lending her money after she blows it you definitely need to talk to her. Many women go to conferences all over the world looking for breakthroughs. I am not saying that these are all women but many do this. Many will travel everywhere, continuously go to the altar, run on emotion, give a lot of money and then get home finding that they are not truly delivered. You can find deliverance at a conference but many have different motives when they attend them yet do not deal with the real issues inside of them. Many can find solutions to their issues right at home in their own church home if they truly are real with themselves, sit still and let GOD really talk to them. It’s sad to say but many preachers feed off of the emotions of women. Many women give lots of money based on emotion and call it faith or sowing a seed. While I have no problem with big offerings and faith moves in the monetary sense, there is a problem when your church home is not being taken care of or your bills. You can’t believe GOD is going to work miracles with your finances and you are blowing finances with all of that traveling. You can’t bypass taking care of home, meaning bringing tithes and offerings to your house and give loads of money to someone who does not even sow into you regularly like your leadership does. That is backwards. I have seen situations where someone will complain about what their church is not doing and some of these things money was needed to fund them, yet this person was not tithing so that was money not available to possibly help in funding these things they felt should be happening in the first place. She may find breakthrough by staying home, saving all that money she is blowing on traveling, conferences and big offerings. Tithe in her own house, save money, pay her bills, sit still and let GOD speak. Hopefully this helps.

Poster: Dianne in Silver Spring, Maryland 07 - 09 - 08

Case of unconditionally standing by her man. I was reading the article on demanding respect from a man and I am wondering something. The man I am with definitely has some issues and I do not deny that, but I believe I am called to be with him and deal with his ways because there is a bigger picture here. I do not believe I am to leave him and want to be by his side through the transformation that will happen with him. It seems like a long process and I have been hurt badly through this process. There has been physical abuse and some verbal abuse but I am willing to stand and stay there. What do you think?

Well reading what you wrote on how he hurt you badly, that plays a big part in the answer. If he has physically abused you and still does, that is not a wise situation to be in. Are you being verbally and mentally abused now? I do believe in being by someone’s side but getting abused in those ways while you stay by someone’s side is not a good situation. You have to have respect and love for yourself and know you do not have to settle ands label it as something spiritual where you are seeing a ‘bigger picture’. Yes there may be a transformation because any man can change and we have to believe that GOD can work miracles with any one like HE did with us, but you have to look at what costs are you willing to lose yourself in the process. I do believe that GOD calls us to some peculiar and strange missions but not to be physically and spiritually abused in the process. There will be more on this in the next blog.

Poster: Jocelyn in Cleveland 07 - 02 - 08

Case of idleness due to low self esteem and fearI have an issue that has haunted me for years since I was young. I have always struggled with bouts of low self esteem. I started going to this church that I am currently a member of about 2 years ago. The sermons are very inspiring and many times I leave the service energized and strong. By the time Monday comes though I have lost the fire, I let things get me down and I lose enthusiasm quick. Lately the message has been about coming out of fear and walking boldly into what GOD has called us to be. I really love the message but for some reason I can not see myself walking in the things that the preacher is talking about. I am afraid to be bold. I try to envision myself succeeding and being a conqueror but it is a road I never have traveled before and do not even know how to start. Quite honestly I am used to failing and things not working out for me like I want. It’s been this way for so long that I do not even know any other way to see things no matter what is preached. It’s like a combo of low self esteem and fear. Is it really possible for anyone who wants to be able to win even when they think and act like I do? I know it sounds sad but I have to tell you just the way I am feeling it.

Jocelyn, I thank you for your question and openness in it. This is definitely an issue that starts in the mind. There is a battlefield in your mind and war is being waged in it. I do not know all you have dealt with as a youth and what contributed to the low self esteem, but it is something that has taken root and seems to have latched on and grew. Jocelyn you are not designed to fail. You are not designed to lose. GOD created us in HIS image. GOD has confidence in HIMSELF. GOD is powerful. GOD is bold. GOD created us in HIS image and HE is in us so that power, that confidence, that boldness is in us and we can only win. Satan has taken root in your mind and is trying to take you out and keep you from reaching your purpose., When you find out what that is and walk in it that will kill a lot of the depression, doubt and loss of fire. One thing I ask is if anything has happened in your past or in your youth where words of death or discouragement have been spoken to you? Have you had life or death spoken to you? If it has always been death you need to cut off those who bring death to your ears and align with positive, forward minding people, especially those who love GOD, honor HIM and are doing great things in HIM. It helps to walk along side people like that. It is important that you change the way that you think about many things in life. Old thought patterns about constant failure and not winning must die. Ezekiel 36:26-27. "Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new Spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put My Spirit within you". Now when you mix the new heart with a new mindset? Oh there will be incredible Godly changes taking place in your life. But you have to want it. How bad do you want it? Renewing you mind takes a lot of work and effort on your part. You can’t start a path to spiritual growth and spiritual maturity until you have a whole new mindset. Remember that your mind is the thing that has control over every single one of your actions. Your mind controls your thoughts, tells your body exactly what to do, tells your mouth what words to speak, tells your eyes what to look at and it tells your entire being how to respond in every single situation. Now Jocelyn it is possible that when the mind changes a lot of situations in your life may actually stay the same, but due to the new mindset you will see them differently or from a different angle and things will not look intimidating or depressing anymore. Do what is necessary to get where you need to get. Studying, meditating, working hard, reading, researching…whatever it is. Everyone has their own way of getting empowered, inspired and equipped but find out what works for you, stay focused and committed to the work that you know God has called out of you. Do not walk in fear. GOD has not given us a spirit of fear and you have GOD in you. You have this fearless powerful being in you. It that fear and power is in you then it must work in you and through you. Know you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Poster: Angie in Chicago 07 - 01 - 08

Case of the unmotivated boyfriend. My friend and I have been dating for the last year and a half. I knew him for a year from church before we decided to start dating. Before I state my issue I must say that he is a goodhearted man. He does not mistreat me and is very nice towards people. This was one of the things that attracted me to him. The problem that I have with him is that he is very lazy, unmotivated and seems to lack vision and a sense of purpose. He pretty much is inactive in the church. Plus he was laid off for awhile and was doing nothing productive during that time but watching t.v. while laid back in his recliner. When he was working he pretty much went to work, came home, spent some time with me, went to bed, got up and did the same thing, day after day. I see his personality, the gifts that he has and know he could do and be so much more. Seeing him sit and lay around is getting very irritating and sometimes I feel a little loss of respect for him during these moments. Sometimes I want to say something and act but I feel that a man should know what he needs to do and I have already been in 2 relationships where I have had to lead. How do I handle this?

Hello Angela, Thanks for your question. Unfortunately this is an issue many women deal with. Having a man who lacks a sense of purpose and has no motivation to step up and be what GOD has called him to be. You stated that you see his gifts, his personality and feel he can be much more. You also stated that you did not want to say anything because you have been leading in your past relationships. I do not know what type of man he is when it comes to receiving help from you, but you helping him may be what is called for here. First look at the relationship, be in prayer about the relationship and decide is this the man that you are truly called to be with, because you do not want to waste time trying to make this relationship be something that is not. Even if he is nice there are many nice people out there that we are not meant to be lovers with. Now if it has been revealed to you that you two are meant to be together, then you may have to accept the fact that it is you that may be the one that will be an instrument that GOD will use to help this man see who he truly is in GOD and walk in it. There are so many ways that you can approach him in a loving way that is gentle and encouraging. Make sure that you never nag him but always speak life to him and let him know the great things that you see in him. Maybe it will a little push, but always be loving and encouraging. There is nothing a man loves more than a woman who loves him, encourages him, respects him and believes in him. I know many men who have left good women like that. The men were unappreciative and later the men regretted it. They could not forget how good these women were to them. Now I ask you if you have gotten any revelation on what his purpose his? It is not embarrassing or out of order for you to be the one to see it in him and help lead him to it. Women are designed to be helpmates and it is not weak for him to get strength and help in seeing vision and purpose from you. Just think about what a joy it will be when he is succeeding in his walk, his calling and he thanks you for being there and believing in him. GOD will be glorified. One last thing, you stated he is inactive in church. While I believe in participation in the church to build the KINGDOM and to do GOD’S work, do not let lots of church work be the factor on whether you believe he is walking in his calling. Many people do a lot of church work and still do not know their calling and purpose because they do ‘church work’ that has noting to do with who they truly are in GOD. I hope this helps you Angela.

Poster: Sheri, frustrated ministry member in Detroit 06 - 27 - 08

Case of personality issues in the church. I am a member of a church that I joined about a year ago. I really love this church and believe that I was called to be there. The message is great and I have benefited greatly being at this house. The problem is that I am involved in a ministry dealing with the youth. I love the ministry and believe that I am called to it but there are 2 people who are also a part of the ministry who conduct themselves in a way that is not of GOD. They are very nasty to people and especially me for what reason I do not know. They really do not have a heart for the youth either. When I shared this with my pastor he told me that he felt that these 2 individuals were to be a part of the youth ministry and this bothers me to no end. It is to the point I have thought about leaving the church because I can not understand how this pastor with so much wisdom can not see what is going with this particular situation. Then I thought about leaving the ministry only. Please help me with this one.

Sister Sheri, Thank you for your question. I want to point out a few things before I respond. You mentioned that you really love your church, believe that you were called there, felt the message was great and that you benefited greatly. With all that said, I question why you would even consider leaving a church that you have these type of feelings about. Your frustration with the individuals, their actions towards you and within the ministry is understood. Any church that you go to you will have individuals who conduct them selves in ways that are not GOD like. There is no perfect church at all and if you leave one church and go to another the same problem can come at you but in a different form because you are basically dealing with people. No one is perfect, everyone is not coming to the church with the same heart, many people are dealing with issues outside of the house, do not know how to handle the situations and they lash out in different ways. It may be wrong, but it is what it is and it’s life. Now as far as leaving the ministry, let me ask, you say that you love it and were called to it so why would you leave? The ones who miss out in the long run would be the kids especially if you have a good rapport with them. If you truly believe that these individuals do not have a heart for the kids that is all the more reason to stay in the ministry since you do have a heart for them. You do not want to leave them hanging. I know from personal experience that it can be hard dealing with individuals in ministries, but I learned in some situations that how I responded to them played a part in what made things so difficult. I actually became a better person in learning how to respond to individuals like that. Eventually GOD did a work in them and they now have changed. I will not say it was necessarily because of me and how I changed, but I learned a lot in that situation about letting things roll off of my back and staying focused on the mission. As far as your pastor, it is possible there is something that he sees beneficial in the long run with these individuals and this is the reason why he has not removed them. I do not want to comment fully on that because I do not know all the intangibles, but I will say to that pastors can’t just jump and remove everyone every time someone comes with a complaint. Now my advice to you is if you are called to the house and that ministry, stay in there, stay strong, pray for these individuals and keep a sense of inner peace where you can not be shaken by external things like the attitudes of people. Satan would love to see you get frustrated and quit. That just leaves the kids hanging in the long run. I do hope that this helps.